Thinking about Sunday gatherings
One of the things we want to encourage among our own members at Inshes is always to be looking out for the visitor, the stranger or the newcomer at our Sunday gatherings, particularly those on their own - here's an article by Rebecca McLaughlin which helps us see why this is so important. It first appeared on the Desiring God website and you can find it here Rebecca McLaughlin - Desiring God
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Make Sunday Mornings Uncomfortable
Three Rules of Engagement at Church
Rebecca McLaughlin
“Sorry to cut you off!” I’d just started connecting with a
close friend at church. I was eager to catch up. But as she talked, I noticed a
woman sitting alone, thumbing through her service sheet.
Honestly, I wished I hadn’t seen her. Interrupting
my friend would be rude. It’s good for me to invest in friends! Someone else
will likely spot that woman. These were some of the excuses that ran
through my head. But the woman was clearly new, and for all I knew, not a
believer. So, reluctantly, I interrupted my friend.
As soon as I sat down with the newcomer, I thanked God I
had. Raised Catholic, she hadn’t been to church in over a decade. Her fiancé
had just broken up with her right before their wedding, and she needed
something else in life. I took a risk and asked if she’d like to come to our
community group. She said yes. She’s been coming to church and Bible study ever
since.
This was one of many opportunities my husband Bryan and I
have had to connect with not-yet-Christians inside our church building. We have
very little else in common. I’m an extrovert; he’s an introvert. I’m from
England; he’s from Oklahoma. I’m into literature; he’s an engineer. But God
drew us together around a shared sense of mission, and Bryan recently expressed
that mission in three rules of engagement at church. These rules make our
Sundays less comfortable, but more rewarding. If you’re tired of comfortable,
you might want to give them a try!
1. An Alone Person in Our Gatherings Is an Emergency
In times of crisis, we do strange things. We interrupt
conversations. We set aside social conventions. If someone collapsed in your
church building, everyone would mobilise. But every week, people walk into our
gatherings for the first time and get effectively ignored. They may not know
Jesus, or they may have spent years wandering from him. Their spiritual health
is on the line, and a simple conversation could be the IV fluid God uses to
prepare them for life-saving surgery. Eternal lives are at stake.
What if it’s a regular church member who is alone? An
isolated believer is an emergency too. “By this all people will know that you
are my disciples,” said Jesus, “if you have love for one another” (John 13:35).
Of course, we all enjoy solitude at times, but loneliness in church is as much
an indictment on our gatherings as prayerlessness or lack of generosity. How
can we claim to be “one body” (1
Corinthians 12:12) when we can’t even sit together and engage one another
in church?
I come to church with a family of five. But the primary
family unit in the New Testament is not the nuclear family:
it’s the church. In fact, Jesus promised that anyone who left family
to follow him would receive far more family among his people (Mark
10:29–30). There are tangible ways we can express this in church. Those of
us who come with nuclear families can invite others to sit with us, or even
separate to sit with others.
Last Sunday, for instance, I chose to sit between two
sisters in Christ — one from Nigeria, one from Ghana — and to enjoy worshipping
Jesus with them. Being one body with our spiritual siblings means more than
sitting with others in church, but it certainly doesn’t mean less.
This call is not just for married people. If you come to
church by yourself, don’t underestimate what God could do through you
to bless others. A while ago, a single friend shared her sadness about sitting
by herself at church. She is a delightful, socially agile extrovert, and I told
her she had no right to sit alone when she could be blessing others with her
company! My guess is that we have all, at one time or another, walked into a
gathering and wondered, “Who will love me?” What if we asked ourselves instead,
“Whom can I love?”
2. Friends Can Wait
Did I miss out on intimacy with the friend I interrupted to
greet the woman sitting alone? Yes and no. The Bible calls us fellow soldiers (Philippians
2:25; Philemon
2), and few bonds are stronger than those forged in battle. Soldiers seldom
turn to face each other. Rather, they look outward, standing shoulder to
shoulder, or in extreme situations, back to back. Combat increases their
closeness.
“Do you recognise that woman?” I asked another friend a few
Sundays ago, as we started to talk. “No. I should go and talk to her, shouldn’t
I?” she replied. As I saw my friend walk off to greet a newcomer, I felt a
closeness I would not have known without our shared endeavour.
Friends can wait for our attention on a Sunday. Better
still, they can mobilise in mission too. Spurring each other on to welcome
strangers in Christ’s name won’t weaken our friendships; it will deepen them.
3. Introduce Newcomers to Someone Else
A few years ago, I met a woman in the checkout line at
Target. She had recently arrived from China and was a visiting scholar at
Harvard. We got talking and I took the risk to invite her to church. She said
yes. Her English was far better than my non-existent Mandarin, but we were
nonetheless relating across a language barrier, so after the service I
introduced her to a Chinese-speaking friend. Minutes later, my sister in Christ
was exchanging numbers with this newcomer. I hadn’t been able to explain the
situation, but my friend immediately recognised the gospel opportunity before
her.
Even without a language barrier, newcomers benefit from
multiple connections. When possible, I seek someone with an overlap: same
country of origin, home state, school, profession, or stage of life. But our
gatherings should cut across all demographic lines, and we must commit to
connecting with those unlike us.
In fact, if some of our Sunday conversations aren’t
difficult — pushing us beyond our usual conversational topics to reach across
differences — we’re likely not conducting fellowship right. Calling out the
racial, cultural, and social divides of his time, Paul reminded the Colossians
that in Christ, “there is not Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised,
barbarian, Scythian, slave, free; but Christ is all, and in all” (Colossians 3:11).
Take the Risk
So, this Sunday, let’s take a risk. Let’s reach across the
small divides to others as we imitate the one who spanned the great divide for
us. And let’s urge our friends to do the same, because the harvest in our
gatherings is plentiful.
We may never know what difference a small act of welcome
made. But sometimes God lets us see how he has weaved our little acts into his
much greater plan. Last month, I asked our Bible study group to share a time
when God had brought blessing to them through hardship. The most moving
response for me was from the woman for whom I had left my friend that Sunday:
“I’m so grateful my fiancé broke up with me. If that hadn’t happened, I would
not have found God.”
Rebecca
McLaughlin (@RebeccMcLaugh)
holds a Ph.D. from Cambridge University and a theology degree from Oak Hill
Seminary. She is the author of Confronting
Christianity: 12 Hard Questions for the World’s Largest Religion. You can
read more of her writing at
her website.
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